Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES)

Alrighty, so by this point Mario's prestige and legacy are set in stone. He's got fame, popularity, multiple spin-off products, and even a show with Lou Albano! (R.I.P; Cap!) So, how do you follow up on debatably the greatest video game to date? Pink, transsexual, aborted egg-shooting lizards wearing Ms. Pac-Man's bow. Yeah.



Now, I wasn't alive during the release of this game. Therefore I can only imagine the sheer horror on the faces of all the Mario fans when they saw this box art. It's nowhere near Mega Man box art bad, but why the hell is Mario carrying what appears to be a raddish? What is this, Cooking Mama? Is Mario a closet gardener?

One of the first things that you'll notice upon starting up this turd is that it has next to nothing to do with it's predecessor. Why is that, you may ask? Well, here's the story:

Apparently during the release of Super Mario Bros. 2 in Japan (before the U.S. release, of course), some Nintendo of America executives thought that the game was too much like the original. So what did they do? They scrapped the original (Which would be repackaged as "The Lost Levels" in the Super Mario All Stars cartridge), and downright stole everything aside from the characters from a game called Doki Doki Panic. That's right, even that iconic theme song was stolen from some weird storybook game. So, what we're left with is The Hedgehog Paradox. The Hedgehog Paradox is when a game in a franchise is sub-par at best, but seen as a piece of shit because of it's association with a high-quality and beloved series. The Hedgehog Paradox has afflicted Frogger, Resident Evil, Halo, and now has it's icy grip on our favorite mischevious mustachio.

Unlike Super Mario Bros; the control is shit. Jumping is awkward at best and suicidal at worst. The idea of picking up enemies and throwing them instead of jumping on them is damn retarded. Every encounter with Birdo is 3 minutes of pure frustration, and the setting is like an acid trip in Toontown. You've got red-hooded guys with JabbaWockeeZ masks, you've got magic doors that are summoned by potions. I dare you to play this game and see how long it takes for your mind to snap. (insert Clockwork Orange joke here)

The visuals are actually a vast improvement over the original, but as we all know, graphics don't mean jackitty-shit.



So, what is this game. A frustrating, trippy game that not only suffers from The Hedgehog Paradox, but also is a complete rip-off. It's as if someone were to steal from their own work, (and others), and boldly shove out a visually stunning piece of fecal matter that, somehow, actually manages to sell like hotcak-



...Um...

So it would seem as though this would seal the fate of the Mario franchise. However, little did the general populace know at the time that the next sequel to the classic series would be arguably it's best.



P.S: The supposeed "Voice of Canadian Gaming" has claimed this to be his favorite in the Mario series. *blows raspberry*